Good for You, Bad for Us
by YolondasUnknownRealm
Summary: It's the end of summer and Dr. Doofenshmirtz has given up evil. He does his best to be a good guy now, with varying results.
1. Chapter 1: A Nice Cup of Jo

Good for You, Bad for Us

Chapter 1: A Nice Cup of Jo

The day felt like it was the end of an era. It was the first day of school, the first day since the end of summer, and Doofenshmirtz's first day of not being evil.

He was so bored.

Doofenshmirtz was lazing about on his couch with a remote in his hand. On the tv in front of him was the 'uncovery' channel. Some bland documentary was playing. Behind him, Norm was vacuuming the carpet.

"I don't get it, Norm." He said. "How do people live like this? Waking up and not doing anything evil, _all day_. A-a-and they do it three hundred and sixty five days a _year,_ too. That's the part I don't get."

"Those people have jobs!" The robot told him cheerfully.

Doofenshmirtz's expression soured. He was _not_ getting a job. The only jobs he qualified for were minimum wage or evil. And sometimes the two weren't separate.

"No, no _jobs_. Not until I find an employer who takes graduating from an evil college seriously." He said. "What else do good people do?"

Norm thought it over.

"Good people do good things!"

"Of course!" Doofenshmirtz leaped up from the couch." It's so obvious!"

He ran over to his work bench and grabbed a fist full of wires and a steel plate.

"Just because I've always made inators for evil," He said as he grabbed a screwdriver and got to work. "Doesn't mean I can't make inators for good, right?"

"I can't see how this could go wrong." Norm replied.

Later that day, Doofenshmirtz stood before a finished inator. It was large and shaped like a Styrofoam cup with a gun barrel sticking out of it.

"Ah ha!" He yelled. "I call it, the Express-inator!"

He then rolled it out onto the balcony. Norm followed behind, at a safe distance.

"This inator will fire little Styrofoam cups full of coffee all across the tri-state area," Doofenshimirtz explained. "Free coffee! For everyone! Forever! What could be better than that?"

He smiled and turned the machine on.

()

Perry was sleeping in the backyard peacefully. Then a cup smashed into the ground next to him. Startled awake, he stared at the mess of coffee and Styrofoam. Just as he wondered who had thrown it at him, several dozen more fell from the sky.

He dove to the right to avoid them, but ended up jumping into the path of another. There was a splash and he was covered in hot coffee. He stumbled back towards the fence and blindly pressed for a button to open the secret entrance. Coffee continued to rain from the sky, dousing him in more coffee. He finally opened it and fell backwards through it, falling all the way down to his chair and landing upside-down with a wet plop.

Major Monogram appeared on screen.

"Agent P! Wow, I hadn't even called you yet, how did you know-"

He suddenly got a good look at the coffee drenched platypus. He received an indignant glare in return.

"Ah, I see you've noticed the problem. _Anyway_. We have reason to believe _Doofenshmirtz_ is involved with this. I knew his turn to the side of good wouldn't last long." Monogram said. "Get out there and put a stop to him, Agent P."

Perry righted himself, saluted and took off running.

"Pay up, Monogram." Carl said from somewhere off-screen.

"Dang it Doofenshmirtz!" Monogram said. "Five more minutes and _I_ would have won the bet."

()

~Doofenshmirtz *mvnmnm* Incorporated!~

Perry crashed through the window holding an umbrella. He was surprised when a trap failed to appear.

"What the- Perry?" Doofenshmirtz said. "What are you doing here and why did you break my window? I told you, I'm not evil anymore. You don't have to keep smashing my things."

The platypus gave him a glare and pointed to the inator.

"Oh, that?" Doofenshmirtz walked over to the machine. "No, no, no. This isn't _evil_. It's good!"

Perry put his hands on his hips and started to tap one foot.

"What? It's not good?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry shook his head.

"But... It's free coffee. Who could find free coffee evil?"

Perry walked over to Doofenshmirtz and grabbed his hand. He led him to the edge of the balcony and he pointed down. Below them, people were cowering under any cover they could find as coffee continued to pelt them from above.

" _Oh_." Doofenshmirtz said. "It's not the _coffee_ that's evil, is it?"

Perry shook his head. He let go of Doofenshmirtz's hand and headed over to the machine. With little effort, it was just a giant Styrofoam cup, he lifted it up and over the balcony, where it plummeted to the ground and smashed into pieces.

"Yeah, I guess that's fair..." Doofenshmirtz said. "Hey, you wanna stay for some coffee, Perry the platypus? I've got _a_ _lot_."

()

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	2. Chapter 2: Safely Out of Reach

Good for You, Bad for Us

Chapter 2: Safely Out of Reach

It was the second day.

"Good morning!" Norm said. "I'm making waffles."

"Norm, flipping a pancake with a tennis racket doesn't make it a waffle." Doofenshmirtz yawned. "I tried that back in highschool, it doesn't end well, trust me."

"Then we're having pancakes." Norm cheerfully amended.

Doofenshmirtz sat down just as Norm slid a plate of pancakes in front of him. He tapped the food with a fork, but didn't start eating.

"I really don't know what I'm going to do today, Norm." He said. "I've never really had a lot of good ideas. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I meant ideas that were good metaphorically, not, you know... Oh, never-mind."

He quit talking and took a bite of pancake. He immediately spit it out.

"Ow! Norm, what did you put in this."

"Sorry, dad." The robot said. "You left a box of screws sitting on the stove again."

Doofenshmirtz slid the pancakes away and looked back at the kitchen stove. Except for two of the front burners, it was covered in random bits of machine parts and a box of screws. In fact, the entire kitchen had become some sort of a storage rack for the scientist's old parts.

"Figures. I really shouldn't leave all that stuff there, it could be a safety hazard."

He suddenly snapped his fingers.

"Safety!" He said. "There's something that can't be evil."

He ran to the other room, grabbing the box of screws off the stove as he went.

"And this time it can't go wrong!"

()

Perry had been enjoying his time alone in the house. All the kids were in school and the parents were out working, so he didn't need to stay in disguise. He could watch tv and cook himself a pizza without worry.

And then the bubble appeared.

It was translucent blue and it completely surrounded him. He stuck up his hands and pressed against it, but it held firm. He put his arms down and glared in the vague direction of Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.

His watch wasn't beeping, but he knew who was responsible all the same.

Perry reached up into his hat and pulled out a pin. He stabbed the bubble with it, but nothing happened. Shocked, he tried again. The bubble still didn't pop. Several more sharp objects later, he gave up. The bubble couldn't be broken.

He sighed and put the stuff back in his hat. He then rolled himself to the door, feeling very much like a hamster. He was barely outside the door when he noticed he wasn't the only one. It seemed everyone was in the same predicament. He watched a couple confused joggers roll by in their own bubble prisons.

Perry, unable to reach any of his mobile spy equipment, started rolling his way to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.

Monogram hadn't called him, but he just _knew_.

()

Doofenshmirtz jumped when his front door was suddenly bashed down. He turned and looked at the angry platypus.

"Do you _have_ to destroy something every time you come over? It's a lot of work to fix that, you know!"

Perry would have felt bad, had he not just rolled up twenty flights of stairs because he couldn't press any of the buttons on the elevator. He chattered angrily and pointed at the scientist.

"What?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Doofenshmirtz looked down. He was also trapped inside a bubble.

"Oh, the bubble thing? Yeah... That was me." He said, sheepishly. "I had this whole idea about safety... so _I_ thought... And then... Yeah, it's not going well."

As if to demonstrate, he poked at the bubble with a pen.

"I'm completely trapped." Doofenshmirtz said. "Not my intention. Anyway, I can't turn it off because I can't press the self-destruct button from in here."

Doofenshmirtz pointed to the side and Perry looked to see an inator shaped like a giant orange traffic cone. It was tipped on it's side and pointing towards the balcony.

"The button is actually inside the cone, right on the tip part." Doofenshmirtz explained. "So you can imagine reaching it like this is a bit challenging."

Perry shot a glare at the scientist and rolled his way over to take a look. Sure enough, the button was too far back to be pressed while trapped in a bubble.

In fact, it was too far back for him to press, even it he hadn't been in a bubble. He turned and looked at Doofenshmirtz.

"Not my best button placement." He admitted.

Perry face-palmed.

"So..." Doofenshmirtz seemed to be at a loss. "This is a problem."

Perry ignored him and rolled behind the inator. With an experimental tap, he found he could push the inator around.

"Sure you can _move_ it." Doofenshmirtz said. "But good luck getting it up and over the balcony to destroy it, Perry the platypus."

Perry shot him a look before continuing to push it. He pushed it farther from the balcony, not towards it. He stopped when he reach the interior of the lab, right next to a huge crate with a box of screws sitting on top.

"What are you-"

Perry moved back, and with a running start, shoved the inator into the crate. The force of impact caused the box of screws to tip over and fall down into the cone, slamming into the button.

It exploded and all the bubbles popped.

()

Thoughts?


End file.
